I hope everyone’s got it in their Google Calendars that the world is ending later this week.Yes, America has once again lost its damn mind in scattered pockets, with a small subset of vocal individuals that believe, mainly thanks to radio personality Harold Camping, that the end is like, totally upon us- May 21st, by Camping’s calculations. Of course, he also whipped followers into a feverish, apocalypse anticipating frenzy back in 1994, but it turns out Camping is a bit sketchy at math.
The number 5, Camping concluded, equals “atonement.” Ten is “completeness.” Seventeen means “heaven.” Camping patiently explained how he reached his conclusion for May 21, 2011.
“Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.,” he began. “Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that’s 1,978 years.”
Camping then multiplied 1,978 by 365.2422 days – the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.
Next, Camping noted that April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.
Camping realized that (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.
Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.
“Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story,” Camping said. “It’s the story from the time Christ made payment for your sins until you’re completely saved.
Convinced? A not insignificant number of Americans are, some even quitting their jobs and planning use of their savings until D-day hits, with not a penny to spare. Actually, May 21st is when all the believers get sucked bodily into heaven, as well as those who believed and died- they’ll flee their crypts, says Camping. The wholesale obliteration of the Earth won’t actually occur until October 21st.
So, three or so day left, have you procrastinated on repenting yet? Or better yet, have you turned the Rapture into a money-making opportunity?
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